Being a good person
October 30, 2009So as a little girl you’re expected to be sugar spice and everything nice. There is a feeling that you should be giving, and scarficial, and altruistic. If I am none of these things do I not qualify as a good person? It’s a moot point because I am too giving.
You know whats bad about giving? If you give too much, you won’t get back. I have learned that when you are there for everyone the chance that they’ll be there for you is unlikely. Not because they’re bad people but because they forget that those who give need as much as they give. It may not be the physical things they give but they need an emotional payback.
Being good is draining. Not because it’s a huge task to accomplish like climbing mount everest but because being good, helping, giving back comes with an emotional toll. It’s not a big one but several small tolls add up quickly. However the desire to be better than you are will make you push yourself farther.
It’s hard to have this desire to give and give. You can’t give all of yourself all of the time to everyone and to do that would be death. So how do I find a place of peace in not being Mother Theresa?
I think we’re all born with a feeling that were are something that we want to be special that there is a reason for us to be here. Not everyone takes advantage of that, and some people even get lost along the way. As you get older, you have to come to grips with how unspecial you are, how insignificant you are. It’s terribly depressing, but maybe that feeling just comes from doing nothing.
So I’m doing something. I’m going for my dream, to change things to make this a better world to help those around me and still be able to get back and refil my emotional piggy banks. I’m also doing something sacrifical. I’m shaving my head. I’m a woman, I’m pregnant and when I’m 39 weeks pregnant I will shave my head for children’s cancer research.
In the future I look forward to talk about my dream, what I want to change and how I think that change will effect everything else that should be changed.
It makes me so sad to see that human beings are less than humane to one another. To see people treat others terribly. It takes your breathe away when you see an honest act of kindness. They say charity starts at home, so Ill start at home. Emotional goal #1 I won’t say anything if I don’t have something good or helpful to say #2 I will show the same kindness to all those I speak with that I would like to be treated with # I will let of the small stuff #4 I’ll remember to laugh it off.
One day I’ll be a better person, a good person even. Maybe I’ll even be labeled as a good mama.
