My first entry, expecting my third

Well here’s my first entry.

I need an outlet. I recently discovered, much to my thrill and joy, that we are expecting a little boy. Sounds fabulous right? The thing is, this is my third child. Not so bad right? My older 2 children, are boys. I know, I know the shock has overwhelmed you so much that you have literally keeled over in disbelief!

I’m holding a moment of silence for you right now

…

Ok once you’ve regained yourself my guess is you’re either thinking or saying something like this…

“Oh you’re so brave”

“Aww, no girls?”

“Well you can try for a girl next time”

None of these are acceptable and if you ever think of saying any of the above to another pregnant woman I hope that you eat liver, raw, for being so darn inconsiderate. The only appropriate response to a woman’s 2 or 18th same sexed child in a row is “I’m so happy for you” “Congrats on the boy/girl” or something equally positive.

The thing about have same sexed children is you either love it, you dread it, you secretly desire the opposite sex, don’t care, or have some sort of combination of the above. So this brings me to gender disappointment. There is actually a forum about the subject, it’s a bit extreme can be depressing to read, but has an amazing group of people that can actually help you over come negative feeling.

What it comes down to though is when you don’t get what you want it hurts. Not because of what you do get, but because of what is lost. Being pregnant can be terribly scary and challenging. Through sickness, emotional muck, fatigue, vicious heartburn, vivid dreams, and your body expanding women bond with the baby they’re growing. They grow attached to an idea of the baby they want, the fall in love with the baby they want, they pick out names, look at clothes, think about their future, and then when they find out that the baby they do get to have isn’t the one imagined it breaks their heart.

Have I suffered from gender disappointment? Yes, when I found out I was expecting boy #2 I was devastated. Now I wouldn’t trade that wonderful little boy for a million girls. For pregnancy and baby number 3 though I knew I was having a boy and I fell in love the minute I knew we were expecting again. Gender Disappointment isn’t about the baby at hand it’s about the baby that will never in mama’s hands.

What makes it worse is when you see those getting the opposite sex from their previous child/children being showered with gifts and love because of their child’s genitals. Ridiculous when you think about it. Why would you shower one child with gifts because it has a penis as opposed to a vagina?

There is also a sociaital pressure to have the perfect family. One boy, and one girl. As a pregnant woman with her emotions going wild thanks to hormones this pressure can be cripling. I failed, because I did not make a little girl.

So where does this leave me? A house full of penises and filled with failure. Flip the coin though and I have 3 perfect children, surrounded in love, toys, and joy. For anyone that reads this remember whenever a woman tells you they’re expecting congratulate her on the baby she’s growing, wish her ease and grace into motherhood, wish her love, wish her health for her and her unborn, and if you are able be an ear to listen. Ultimately this is what matters.